if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
