I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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