It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
