i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
