He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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