Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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