k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
