East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
