I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
