Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
