oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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