i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
