woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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