why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
