what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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