he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
