It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
