Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
