your parents love me but you hate me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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