i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
