Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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