So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
