so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just invented taco cereal.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
