remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
