your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
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P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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