This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
