Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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