I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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