I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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