I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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