Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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