i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if only i could text you this smell
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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