i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
