Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When are your genitals available?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
