i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i think i just lost a toe
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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