I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
