bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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