Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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