just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
