cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
