It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
