The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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