i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
