the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
