I puked a lego.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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