I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
