he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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