Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
