Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
