just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
