U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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