Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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