Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
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when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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