I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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