i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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