well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
