I miss vodka workout Fridays
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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