Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
