What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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