i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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