Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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