I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
