So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
