She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
