Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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