I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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