Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
