there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
