i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
