My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
