Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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