So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
