yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
