maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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