I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
