I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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