I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
