So drunk its hurt
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
